Pop Culture - The Junkyard

navigation for binky chicken's pop culture wonderland

Cannonball Run III

Remember the Cannonball Run movies? A cross country race featuring B-grade stars, has beens, and a few true celebrities? Each race was a virtual who's who of second tier stars, the kind of people everyone knew, but weren't huge fans of. Well, some of our friends, my wife, and I started wondering "Who would be in the 90's version of the Cannonball Run?" With thanks to Jim Lauer, Brian Bargender, and Darby Kern, Binky Chicken presents the cast -- and cars -- of Cannonball Run III.

The Race Officials
For the sake of continuity, alumni of the first two movies need to be the organizers of the race -- who else but Burt Reynolds, Dom Deluise, and Jamie Farr?

The Sideshows
During the course of the race, our competitors will have to have a few run-ins with the locals along the way. Jerry Springer is the investigative journalist trying to break the big story. Cheech Marin owns a sleazy Mexican bar where one lost car ends up, and Tom Skerrit makes an appearance as the wily Texas sheriff.

The Racers
It's quite a lineup -- fasten your seat belts for...

An ice cream truck... driven by Bronson Pinchot and Sinbad

A ferrari... piloted by pseudo-bombshells Elizabeth Berkely and Morgan Fairchild

A monster truck... carrying Hulk Hogan, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Mr. T., and the Giant

A Buick Roadmaster... piloted by Estelle Geddy, Phyllis Diller, and Jerry Stiller

A cadillac... with every Wayans known to mankind in it

A stolen police car... hijacked by Jon Lovitz and Stuart Pankin, with convict Rob Schneider still in the back seat

A citation... carrying Molly Ringwald, Andrew McCarthy, and Anthony Michael Hall

A hearse... with Richard Moll and Scott Bakula

A hot air balloon... carrying aloft Michael Winslow and Steve Guttenberg

And last, but not least, a motorcycle with a side car... driven by Chris Elliot and Randy Quaid.

Who wins the race? My guess is that all of the cars (aside from the Roadmaster, whose participants get killed by the vampire strippers in Cheech's bar) speed toward the finish line with an armada of policemen chasing them, only to see Burt, Dom, and Jamie speeding away with the prize money in a black and gold Trans-Am. Then again, there's always Cannonball Run 2000....

Questions or comments? Mail steve@incompetech.com
All the original content here-in ©1999 by us... Not that you would want to steal most of it anyway....